Healthier Scotland. Scottish Government
What you want
Being able to talk with your partner about what you want and what you don't is essential when it comes to having better, safer sex.
That means you have to put some thought in ahead of time to figure out exactly what you do want.
Quick links on this page:
Think what you want
Some questions you should think about:
- are we ready for sex?
- what kind of sex do I want to get into?
- what are we going to use for protection?
- what kind of sex don't I want?
- what turns me on?
- what turns me off?
Talking about what you want
This is best done ahead of time, rather than in the middle of a passion session. That way, you'll both feel more comfortable about what will happen.
We don't recommend making some kind of 'sex plan' about exactly what will happen, to whom and when – that's not very sexy at all!
But you should talk generally about what's on and what's not.
And don't think talking will take away the 'mystery of romance'. Quite the opposite in fact – talking about sex can be quite saucy and can be a great way to get you both in the mood.
What you don't want – the magic word "NO"
It's not possible to talk about every single thing that might happen during sex, so don't be afraid to shout up at any point if something is going on you're not happy about.
Put a hand in the way or move anything that's not where it should be and gently but firmly say "No" or "Stop please".
If they don't or won't stop, call a halt and get your clothes back on. Sex should NEVER be about one person getting something against the will of another.
Nobody should have to put up with that kind of behaviour – it could even be classified as rape under our laws on sex.
STI Help Button
Service Finder
Enter your full postcode to find your nearest sexual health service: